A Lesson Learned

[SilverHamer]

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue...

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with sweet tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!"

Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?"

[MarkE]

ROFLMAO!!!! yeah!!!

[SilverHamer]

I received an email notice that someone with the screen name "Johnny Guitar" had posted a reply to this thread...however, I do not see it. Upon scanning the forum member list I don't see anyone with that name listed. Oh well...here is the reply the email notice stated was posted by him:

"Honorable men do not find humor in violence against women. Ever."

Ok, I consider myself appropriately scolded...but who the hell ever said I was an honorable man in the first damn place? HAHAHA! I'm a freakin' REDNECK and we find humor in EVERYTHING!

Honorable men find no humor in violence at all, no matter WHO, or which group, it is directed at. This was merely a joke not intended to "OFFEND" anyone, but if you were offended by it I apologize. Those who know me know where I'm coming from and can take it. I must ask, however, does this same rule apply to "Honorable Women" as well, or are we back to the usual one-way paradigm that it's perfectly ok for a woman to bitch-slap the hell out of a man but if he even entertains one thought of retaliating he becomes criminal by nature? This world has been an "unfair" place a lot longer than any of us have been around, and it will continue to be unfair no matter what anyone thinks or does to try to change it...so just get used to it.

Lastly, I would say it is easy to conclude that anyone who would make such a comment to me is lacking the basic common ground of ever having lived with a woman in matrimony, hence have no basis for the humor. I am not a violent person by nature, but there have been times (c'mon, admit it, you've been there too) when I would have loved to slap the ever-living snot out of a few of the people I love, and there is no doubt that they have felt the same toward me...it's human nature...and if you can't handle a joke about human nature, you are leading a very boring, sheltered, and politically correct life. And in case you haven't noticed, I have refused to drink the PC Koolade which, I suppose, automatically makes me an asshole. So be it...I'll be an asshole. Just so you'll know.

[MarkE]

Larry...
I bounced that message and user account as soon as it came in....as I do with so many others.

If that person is still lurking here then please know that we are a bunch of gentle souls here. Not one person in our group would ever consider doing such a thing. But...we are also jokesters, and will continue to joke about anything we like. This board belongs to the members of EMP and myself. Thats the way it is. Sorry you were offended.

LC... did you hear the one about the woman who was so ugly that.......... ROFL! :rofl:

[SilverHamer]

Ahh ok then. I wasn't really offended so much as irritated that someone who doesn't even know me would attempt to lay some stupid politically correct guilt trip on me like that by attacking my honor. HEY MUTHA FUCKA, I'M A VETERAN WHO HAS KICKED ASS SO YOU CAN BE POLITICALLY CORRECT...GET OFF MY ASS AND LIGHTEN UP! HAHAHAHA. I was replying more to Johnny Guitar than anyone else.

[SilverHamer]

LC... did you hear the one about the woman who was so ugly that.......... ROFL! :rofl:

Oh yea...that was about my Momma! LOLOL. Did you hear the one about the 85 year-old man taking his annual physical?

OLD people have problems that you probably haven't considered

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his annual physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.


The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the damned jar open.'

[MarkE]

That's fuken hilarious ROFL!!!! Classic!