On The Lighter Side...Got A Joke To Tell?

[SilverHamer]

What is the first thing a blonde does after a bad car accident?


1. Turn off the ignition? NO!


2. Get away from the car in case it explodes? NO!


3. Call 911 on her cell phone? NO!
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http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v354/LarryC/blondewreck.jpg

[SilverHamer]

The Three Stages Of A Man's Life



SINGLE

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v354/LarryC/ml01.jpg



MARRIED

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v354/LarryC/ml02.jpg



DIVORCED

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v354/LarryC/ml03.jpg


...and I have experienced ALL THREE!! Whewwww!

[Tracy]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/Cassie777/Funny%20Stuff/pricelessnuts.jpg

[SilverHamer]

Well, it certainly had ME fooled until I read that last bit of text...I suppose you gotta be really careful these days because there ARE some LADIES out there with additional measurements....36-24-36-6

Makes me happy I'm a married guy...

Had a guy tell me a story last week as I flew him out to an oil platform offshore. He told me a joke which he told some of his friends at a local diner where he lives...

Q: What's the difference between a woman and a battery?
A: The battery has a positive side.

He said the waitress heard him telling the joke and immediately came over to his table and told him the following:

Q: What's the difference between dark and hard?
A: It stays dark all night long.

He says he's careful about what sort of jokes he tells in public within earshot of anyone now...HAHAHA.

[babayaga]

Great pic Trace!

My former boss had me write him a presentation a few years back which included a photo of him with four gorgeous Asian girls in bikini's.... the point of the shot was 'you can't really believe what you see...' as it was eventually revealed that the four 'girls' were all 'ladyboys' from Bangkok.

On his shot, the offending appendages had been well and truly 'tucked' beforehand!

Have a good Thursday - G.

[SilverHamer]

...it was eventually revealed that the four 'girls' were all 'ladyboys' from Bangkok.???


Hmmm...interesting place for a group of ladyboys to be from...unintended pun even...HAHA. I suppose it sounds much more believable than Tuckedkok though...ROFL.

Sorry...I just got a tickle out of that one...I'm demented, rude, crude, and socailly unacceptable. Being a professional helicopter pilot has done this to me...

And speaking of which...there was a guy who was in a restaraunt having dinner by himself...but at the next table over there were a few ladies enjoying a nice evening out and having dinner themselves. One of them began to choke...then she was not making any sound at all except that she was patting herself on the thoat and turning red in the face. Then it became obvious that she was in peril of choking to death. Her friends were screaming and crying out for help while everyone else sat at their tables with their mouths agape...that is all but the one fellow nearest them. He just sat there eating as if nothing was happening.

One of the ladies walked over to him and shoved him and screamed at him to DO SOMETHING! So he very calmly folds his napkin and goes over to the woman who was choking, who was now turning blue. He very calmly layed her out on the floor and rolled her over on her stomach...then positioned himself on the backs of her thighs and raises her dress, pulls her underwear down about half way, and begins to lick her on the buns. Nobody in the restaraunt could believe what they were seeing...and the woman on the floor suddenly rolled over, landing a fist on the guy's chin as she coughs up the piece of food which had been lodged in her throat.

The man quietly returns to his chair, unfolds his napkin, and resumes eating his dinner. Another of the lady's friends went to him to give him a piece of her mind, and she yells, "Now just what in the HELL do you think you were doing???" He wipes his mouth with his napkin, looks her sqarely in the eye and replies, "That hiney-lick manuever works every single time!"

[Tracy]

That one got me. But hubby says he had it figured out at first glance (I doubt it though LOL). But I have to admit after scrolling back and looking at the 'model', yeah...could be a guy. But funny tough :D

[MarkE]

You guys are killing me ROFL.

Man o man....am I ever glad that Im married and out of the dating scene. Shit, if I were ever on a date, and shoved my hand down her pants and got a handfull of nutz I would be traumatized for life. Im too old for that shit.
Then I'd have to take her (him) to Judge Judy's court to reclaim my dating expenses. False advertising.